Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize