Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
