Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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