my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
