I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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