Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Randomize
