judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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