After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
