its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
cat food counts as protein by the way
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
