but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
