whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
