we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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