I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
