Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
