Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
