Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(248): View more from Michigan

yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss

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(540): View more from Virginia

just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south

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(586): View more from Michigan

at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....

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(507): View more from Minnesota

I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point

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(480): View more from Arizona

It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.

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(973): View more from New Jersey

i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog

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(530): View more from California

Maybe I'm a robot.

(831): View more from California

You can't be that drunk already

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(214): View more from Texas

I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.

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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....

(713): View more from Texas

You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.

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