It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
