Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
