I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
He? As in you personified your dick?
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Randomize
