you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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