there was a trapeze. enough said
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
