Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Actions speak louder than pants.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
