Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
