so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
