We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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