i think my mom watched the whole time
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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