Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
