you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Randomize
