I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
