Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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