i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize