Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
