i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Randomize