Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
