You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
