He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
