She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
