My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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