I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
There's always time for handjobs
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
