i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
