I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
he laminated a picture of his dick.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
