they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
