i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
