Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
