i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Best friends brother. Beat that.
she peed on how many people?
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Randomize
