Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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