There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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