i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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