You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
