Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
He better not be in your backpack
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Randomize
