and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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