after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
