I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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