ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
