i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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