I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
