my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
