I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
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