i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
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