It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize