You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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