We're facebook friends in real life
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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