hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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