Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
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