how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
