The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
