we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Randomize
