He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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