i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
where are you?
Hypothermia
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize