Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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