Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
