Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
